One group bought a bunch of flowers, handed them out to strangers with a word of encouragement and used the remaining change to teach children how to make a wish and throw coins in the fountain.

Another group used their money to barter for bigger and better items until they ended up with bottled drinks, gift cards and art supplies, all of which were given away to kids, adults, men and women in uniform and a teacher.

Some people bought popsicles to hand out on the playground.

As we all marveled at the creativity used to stretch $5, we also listened as people shared the responses of the recipients. Surprise, gratitude, rejection...it was all there.

At one point, a group stood up to say they bought a Starbucks gift card and gave it away, only to end up with another gift card after passing by a table set up by an organization handing them out in return for taking a short survey. The group had run out of time to give the second card to anyone so they decided to auction it off to those of us in the audience. At first everyone laughed, but then they suggested we could donate whatever money we raised to Launch, a program we had just heard about that sponsors young people in Uganda so that they can attend University for only $700. 

Immediately someone raised their hand and said "I'll give you $10 for it".
Then someone else said, "I'll give you $20."
Suddenly a man shouted out, "FIFTY!".
We all just dropped silent. What was happening?

The lady next to me, had opened up her wallet and announced in her precious Alabama accent, "Alright, listen y'all. I've got $7 cash in my wallet and I'm gonna need something to tip the guy at the airport, but I'll add my money to the last bidder!". 

​The room became a chorus of laughter and ideas. It got loud and exciting. Someone suggested we bid by the rows we were sitting in. There was money all over the place. (I'm not even slightly exaggerating here, guys.)

The man up front, still holding the Starbucks gift card in the air said, "I say we just take up a collection. We may be about to have church in here!".  He pointed to a small basket near the doughnut table in the back of the room that I think was holding forks or napkins and somebody started passing it around. If it's possible to physically feel excitement, it was thick in that room. I looked at the team hosting the event and they were just in shock, staring at each other, tears and laughter and "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?" all at once.
​

Somehow we managed to regroup enough to listen to the last few groups share their own stories of giving. Every one of them inspiring. At the end of the session, someone asked how much had actually been collected. One of the conference staff announced, still in disbelief, "You guys wont believe this but you donated $692!!". In the midst of the cheering and applause, someone shouted, "I'll cover the last $8....let's send a kid to college today!".

Even as I type this post, I'm still in awe of what I witnessed this afternoon. To be a part of something so sweet and simple and generous, I just don't know if I'll ever be able to accurately describe it but I know I'll never forget it.

As we closed the afternoon, I challenged the group to one thing: "Every day, 19 million people have a birthday. Imagine if we decided to celebrate our lives and the lives of our loved ones like we did today. I challenge you to find a more fun, exciting, sweet, meaningful way to celebrate the yourself and your children's birthdays than by making a difference in the lives of others. Start with $5. You may just change someone's life."

I've been having a difficult time blogging. I didn't used to have this problem. Years ago, when blogging was still fairly unchartered territory for the average person, I started a blog for my event planning company. It was easy for me then, mostly because you could share ideas and opinions and the only people who might even read them were the people who already mostly supported you. Even those who didn't agree with something didn't feel the need to spend a lot of time in angry response. The biggest "risk" about blogging back then was was that no one would read your blog at all. {"Hello? Is anyone out there?"}

Today, it's not the prevalence of blogs that make me apprehensive to write again; it's that the internet has become a mean, unforgiving place. Now, people don't just disagree with a a complete stranger's honest opinion; they publicly stone them for sharing it in the first place. A blogger can become Public Enemy #1 with the single click of the "Post" button.

Somewhere along the way, the right to free speech became the right to tarring and feathering. Between the Grammar Police and the Judgement Squad, the bullies are out in full force. And to be perfectly honest here, I'd much rather just be quiet and not say anything than risk that toxicity.

Life is hard enough. I know my faults and weaknesses. I worry I'm a good enough mom, wife and friend. I have been hurt enough by people who are supposed to love me that I certainly don't feel the need to sign up for the accusations from those who don't even really know me.

When I write about Intentional Kindness, I am writing to myself. I am sharing what I've learned personally as well as what I am trying to learn. I am not posting from a place of self righteousness or condemnation. I don't walk around handing out flowers, balloons and compliments all day (I know...shocking, right?). The only thing I honestly feel I'm better at than anyone else is being about as flawed and imperfect as they come. That's where my confidence begins and ends, folks.

So I'm trying to let go of fear, as my friend Bob Goff has encouraged me to do. Fear of judgement and mistakes and struggles. I'm hoping you'll read along and know my intentions here are to encourage and be encouraged. It takes a lot of fearlessness to put ourselves out there in this world. We are going to BE INTENTIONAL in our words and actions and we are going to face some rejection along the way.

​I'm here for you when that happens. I'm hoping you'll be there for me, too.

Is your birthday this month? I really want to encourage you to celebrate it by doing at least one act of kindness for someone else. Just start with one and see how you feel about it. I PROMISE you it will be the single best gift you receive for your birthday this year. Here are 31 ideas with this month's theme: BACK TO SCHOOL KINDNESS.
Please share this with your friends who have birthdays this month, or even better, do something kind for someone in their honor and let them know about it! :)
....and if you're not following the nonprofit The Birthday Project on Facebook you should definitely do that, too! 

Have fun, be bold and intentional, and let us know how it goes. You can leave a comment sharing your experience as well as post photos to our Facebook page. Tag us on social media so we will be sure to see it. Happy Birthday!

I have a friend who is an interior designer. She is actually quite fabulous, although she would never let you know that. Her clients spend ungodly amounts of money and time for her to come to their homes (many of them second - or third - homes) to make them beautiful. She doesn't just carry a paint deck and move furniture around; she helps design elements from the ground up. On more than one occasion, I've been thumbing through a magazine (or book!) at the bookstore or grocery check-out line and happen upon a photo shoot of one of her incredibly beautiful, livable, designed homes. She of course never tells anyone about these fabulous national features ahead of time. My calls or texts of "OH MY GOSH LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND!" are generally met with a laugh and a humble response. She really is fabulous.

This week, that same fabulous friend traveled 1,200 miles to help someone she barely knows; someone she briefly crossed paths with 15 years ago. But there was a need...a house that had been devastated by soot in complete interior renovation. She squeezed two days into her already busy schedule to help someone in need of direction and hope. No monetary compensation, no magazine coverage. Just kindness. 
I've been thinking about this scenario over and over and I keep coming back to two things: 

1. I wonder how often we take our gifts and talents for granted and don't truly consider how easy it is to bless someone with what comes naturally to us on a daily basis.
   
2. Helping someone in their time of need is never going to come at a time we deem as convenient to our schedules so we have to allow (or maybe even force) ourselves to be inconvenienced for the sake of others.

The most common request I receive is for ideas on how to show kindness to others as a birthday celebration. I can post 100 ideas and there are always emails asking for a few more. We can and should be creative in our pursuance to consider the needs of others. But I can't help thinking that the very things we do every day, the careers we've chosen, the hobbies we enjoy, the habits we are inclined toward, may be the easiest and most overlooked vehicles for kindness. Those things we brush off as "no big deal" ARE a big deal to those of us who don't know how to do whatever it is that YOU do.  It could be a love of baking or a job in banking. There are countless people who are in need of the gifts you naturally bring into the world and who would be incredibly blessed to receive the fruits of your labor. And if we wait for a convenient time to do these things, we will miss every opportunity to spread kindness to those who need it most.  
Today, as my friend travels home to her family and clients, I can almost picture a trail of imaginary glitter she's left in her wake. The sparkle of kindness doesn't evaporate when the giver is gone. It's tiny specks remain embedded in the very fibers of the place where the generous transaction occurred. So inspiring.

When my husband and I were 27 and had not even finished completely unpacking the boxes in the garage, out first home flooded in a hurricane.  I was 34 weeks pregnant with our first child.  We climbed out the dining room window to escape the rising water that would eventually reach just over 3 feet deep inside our new home.  It was the single most devastating experience of our lives.  Gratefully, we had flood insurance and supportive family and friends.  We had college degrees and good jobs and a promise of a future, despite the temporary chaos.  And for all that, we were extremely thankful. But there were times when I felt very, very alone.  I didn't know anyone else personally who had experienced the type of loss we had.  Well intentioned friends said things meant to comfort but instead brought more sorrow, guilt and anger.  It wasn't their fault.  They just hadn't ever walked in our shoes. They were being the best friends they could be by supporting us in the best ways they knew how at the time.

But then I met a woman who actually worked for the insurance company.  Her house in the Midwest had fallen victim to flooding many years prior.  She spoke to me in a way that helped begin my healing.  She mourned my soggy, irreplaceable keepsakes with me and understood that it was all more than "just stuff".  She verbalized the guilty thoughts from her own experience about materialism and not feeling thankful that I was currently struggling with.  She listened and understood and empathized but she also stood as an symbol of hope and victory over my circumstances.  She had walked in my shoes once, and now, there she sat in my wrecked, carpetless living room, on my water stained, mildewing furniture, as a living, breathing, smiling, encouraging example that this, too, would pass.

I've never forgotten that.  It took me years to tell the story of the flood without breaking into tears at some point (all part of the healing process, I believe). But my broken heart was indeed healing, only now with tender spots for those I'd begin to see on the news.  Those standing in disbelief in the middle of a tornado ravaged town.  Those climbing into boats on flood filled streets.  Those crying on the sidewalk as flames engulfed their house and devoured a lifetime of treasures.  Those returning to places that looked nothing like the place they had so lovingly called home. I didn't just feel bad for those people...I understood in a deep, powerful, personal way.  I would see those images on the news and be immediately transported to my own experience of losing the security a house and belongings bring.  I felt it with them and I cried with them.  And I wanted to be the one to go and say, "I understand.  And I know what to do and how to help and what not to say." And most of all I wanted to hug them and let them know that they would get on the other side of this and be stronger and more resilient and more compassionate than ever before. I wanted to be that symbol of hope and victory for them.

The key to Intentional Kindness is to not forget those broken moments or let them grow dim after the passage of time. These are the areas we mustn't forget when considering how best to give back to the world around us. It is so easy to want to get past the struggle and put it behind us. To just forget it and move on. But there has to be purpose in our story. 

The most common request I receive is for more ways to celebrate Birthdays with kindness. I can list 100 ideas and there will always be someone who wants just a few more. My response has become pretty standard:

"What is the most difficult thing you've walked through in your life?"

"Oh," people say, "Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't really want to talk about THAT. That's too sad and depressing."
"OK, well, my advice is to think about one example of something really challenging you've had to endure, and who/what helped you get through it. Or what you wish you'd had to help you," I'll respond.

Childhood injury?
Unemployment?
Post Partum Depression?
Parent with dementia?
Bullied as a kid?
Moved far away from family & friends?

Start there.

We've all got the stories and we each know exactly what helped us get through it. Those are the best places to consider how best to make a difference in someone else's life. So yeah, buy coffee for the guy behind you in line, hold open the door for the woman with her arms full, and smile encouragingly at the frazzled Mom with the screaming toddler in the grocery store. But in the midst of those things, don't discount the maximum impact your personal experience can have on someone else walking through a similar struggle. No one understands it quite like you do....you are a difference maker. Let your pain help someone else heal.
​
Be Intentional.

I just want to remind you of who You are.

Not the busy, stressed, distracted You today.

The eight year old version of Yourself.

Remember when You would go to school and be excited to see Your friends? When You'd stop what You were doing if You saw some kid crying? When You'd give half your bologna sandwich to the kid whose milk made his too soggy to eat?

The You who drew pictures for your parents and teachers just because You were inspired to express Yourself and then share it with someone else. 

The You who got so excited for Your best friend's birthday that passersby might've thought it was actually YOUR birthday instead.

The You who unashamedly said things like "Hey, I like your dog" and "Nice shot!" to complete strangers at the park.

That's the You I want you to remind you of.
​
I like to watch how kids just love each other. Little boys walking home from school, arms around each other's backpack heavy shoulders, excitedly bantering about the new superhero movie the want to see together. Little girls playing with each others hair while they sit in the shade and talk. Groups of kids laughing and screaming while running around in a game of freeze tag, welcoming any new kid just walking up to join in.

Remember that You?
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The You who didn't really stop to wonder if someone would think You were weird or crazy if you said "Hi" or complimented their cool shoes?

Being kind is in your DNA. Life just gets in the way. We get busy and tired. People hurt us and show us the ugly, untrustworthy side of themselves. We stop watching Looney Tunes and start watching CNN. We stop flipping through a Choose Your Own Adventure book and pick up  grocery store gossip magazines instead.

We start to believe that maybe the Housewives and Kardashians and Dance Moms actually do represent the rest of humanity and they're just honest enough to say what the rest of the world is secretly thinking. 

But that is all a lie. YOU are still YOU. The kid who knew right from wrong, and even though You didn't always choose right, You felt bad about it and knew how to make it right again. You might've broken a few rules at home but you'd never break the friend code at school. You stood up for the underdog. You looked out for your little sister. You were kind.

You're still kind. That's what I want to remind You today and what I need You to remind me of sometimes, too. We're not perfect, we make mistakes, but deep down, that eight year old is still there.

It's who You are. 

On my birthday, I usually ask my friends to join me in intentionally showing kindness to someone and then tell me about it, The funny thing is, I often notice a commonality in their sweet reports of generosity.  Almost exclusively, people will caveat kindness with phrases like "I know this isn't a big deal but..." or "I'm not really sure if this counts or not but..." before retelling what they did for someone else.
As someone who is fascinated by acts of kindness, I understand why we can sometimes be so quick to discredit how impactful a simple act of love can be.  If it's easy for us to do, we assume it's not necessarily as important or impactful to the recipient as, say, a $100 donation. But the truth is, we don't really have any idea how big of a deal the smallest gesture means to the person on the other side of the equation.

 I've heard from hundreds of people who are the recipients of these seemingly innocuous acts and the impact that single moment makes in a person's life is often incalcuable. 
Here are some actual accounts from a few people who have contacted The Birthday Project about being the recipient of a stranger's kindness:

• The lady you let use your discount card at the grocery?  Her husband just lost his job and money is tighter than it's ever been for their family.
• The elderly woman you gave your 25% off coupon to while she scrounged for her purse at the department store was buying an outfit to wear to her precious husband's funeral.
• The military service man whose lunch you paid for today recently returned from a year overseas and is struggling to get through most days as he battles PTSD.
• The young mother you offered your place to in line at the grocery store because her baby was crying has been feeling like she's been hanging on by a thread lately.
• The little boy you gave a balloon to at the park? His grandma just passed away and her favorite color was blue....just like the balloon he's now holding and will later be able to let go of and watch float up to the clouds with a smile.

You guys, these are REAL stories, and  just a handful of the countless reports I've collected of a simple act of kindness at just the right moment in time. The only thing that's "not a big deal" about any of them is how simple the act itself was to do on the part of the giver. 
The recipient, however, was impacted in very big ways, often for a lifetime. 

That's a REALLY big deal.

As The Birthday Project continues to grow and reach across the globe, we are in need of some benevolent souls willing to share their time and talents with us.  Currently, we are looking to update the look of our website.  It is a basic template style site, created using Weebly. If you are interested in helping, please use the form below to contact us.  Including any/all related website design experience is helpful.  PLEASE NOTE THIS IS AN UNPAID POSITION (so you're agreeing to help out of the goodness of your heart and accept gestures of appreciation that may include but are not limited to social media shout outs, The Birthday Project merchandise and undying gratitude).

Bad things happen.  Regardless of the number birthdays, holidays, kind acts and feel-good stories of giving, bad things still happen.  And in well-connected, media driven society, we hear about the bad stuff a lot more than we do the good. 

The thing about this world is that I believe it has made a great deal of us cynical, skeptical and even fearful.  I remember (as a little girl) when hitchhiking was not only legal, it was a way of life for some.  If someone needed a ride, you stopped and picked them up.  Maybe they'd spot you a few bucks for gas, maybe it was just your good deed for they day.  Enough reports of lunatics on the side of the road with a shiv and meth pumping through their veins and we lock our cars doors as soon as we get in, never so much as making eye contact with the guy standing on the street corner now.

I recognize the need for safety and taking wise precautions.  We certainly need to be aware of our surroundings and listen to that little voice that lets us know when things feel unsafe.  However, (call me crazy) but we CAN NOT let a few (and I mean a very small few) number of disturbed individuals steer us off course.  What I mean is after you've seen a hundred news reports and read 75 articles about the same horrific event, you can't just decide that this is a terrible world filled with people you can't trust.  We can't run into our homes, pull down the shades, lock all the doors and resign to solely order movies on Netflix.  In fact, I absolutely believe with every ounce of my being that we should do the complete opposite. 

The mission behind The Birthday Project is to shake people out of their busy, daily lives and remind them to look around and to see how many ways they can make a difference.  Yes, it starts with your birthday but I've yet to meet a single person who hasn't been affected the other 364 days of the year.  We slow down a little, we look people in the eyes, we smile at strangers, we chat with people we don't know, we offer the gift of ourselves and we restore faith in our fellow man and woman.  Instead of feeling helpless about the things that sadden us in this world, we find ways to help, to lend a hand, to offer a hug or a sympathetic ear and make it a better place.

Tragedy, pain, sorrow...those are all opportunities for triumph, healing and joy.  Reports of crisis are just doors of opportunity.  This world is not going to hell in a hand basket because we aren't going to let that happen.  You either decide that's a completely unrealistic, pie-in-the-sky mentality or you agree and do something to make sure it happens.  Whether you live in a major metropolis or a tiny country town.  Whether you are financially secure or pinching pennies.  Whether you are retired or in elementary school.  We each do what we can...maybe even more than we think we can...to remind ourselves and each other that the bad guys don't get to win. 

If you are interested in helping in the aftermath of the Aurora, CO theater shooting tragedy, here are a few ideas:

Send cards with notes of encouragement, gift cards, children's artwork, flowers, or any other form of support for victims and/or appreciation for first responders & medical personnel to: